There's an analogy here to how the physical body heals. Think of a time when you or someone you know had an infected wound. You knew that the wound had to be opened so that the infection could rise to the surface to be cleansed. Even though you knew it might be painful, you allowed the wound to be opened so that it could heal. You may even have applied salve to help the process. Healing emotional wounds is no different—whatever is hiding beneath the surface causing irritation will be brought to the surface so that you can become aware of it, recognize it, accept it, appreciate it, and thereby release it. The salve is love and acceptance.
Sometimes during this process of confronting our fears, it feels like a part of us is dying. And quite literally, a part of us is. But after that small death, a new part of us is born. If you think back to your childhood, you might say that the child that you were then had to die so that the adult or older child that you are now could be born. You haven't lost the child, you have expanded beyond it. You have all of the memories and experiences of the child, but you are now so much more. What we're experiencing now is not so different.
Alexandra Mahlimay of Joy and Clarity wrote the following on November 11, 2007. She talks candidly about her experience of losing and regaining a part of herself. It allows us to see, through her very human eyes, what the process is like. I think you'll realize that something similar has happened to you at different times in your life, and that it's a very natural process. Painful, but natural. And necessary. We're all experiencing an increase in such experiences, and will continue to do so until all of our hurtful and fearful aspects have been accepted and integrated. May Alexandra's sharing of her experience help you gain confidence in your own process and your own path.
No matter what is going on in your life right now, pleasant or unpleasant, take care of yourself. Be kind to the parts of you that have carried the burdens of fear, abandonment, lack, or whatever things are arising in your life right now so that you can recognize and release them.
You are strong, powerful, and all-knowing. Allow that knowing to carry you through whatever darkness might be appearing in your life right now. Know that you have invited these experiences because darkness can no longer be hidden. It must see the light of day in order to be healed. Remember that a day appears darkest just before dawn!
Thank yourself for the long road that you have travelled to be where—and who—you are right now, in this moment. Remember to breathe. Remember that you are loved, and you are never alone.
A Tobias Channel: "Integrating Wounded Aspects and Feminine Energies"
By Alexandra Mahlimay
Cluj-Napoca, Romania
www.joyandclarity.com
Today it is an 11:11 day. Why? Because this is what the clock shows.
I woke up this morning with a feeling of Christmas in my heart. I felt deep, deep joy and ease. I was happy to start my day in joy. I felt light and I just enjoyed myself.
I didn't feel like doing too much, but I felt like taking some time for myself, and clear out the house. Yes, this was what I chose for the day. Clarity. To clear the house.
Little did I know, that the day was about to change in that moment.
So, I started doing my stuff, cleaning around the house, rearranging things, throwing away some old stuff. And in the same time, I decided to clear out all the energies that do not serve me in the place where I find myself. "I choose to clear out everything from my past and present that do not serve me for what I am experiencing now."
After finishing the cleaning action, I decided to go for a walk. The sun was appearing at the horizon. It was very cold, but a very clear cold.
I felt good about going for a walk with my dog. Star was so happy. He wiggled his tail, and his friend Cora was ready too. They jumped on me, reminding me just how much they love to have promenades with me. I laugh... well, not really promenades. They are more like racing times. They run so fast, and try to catch each other, and they bark and are so happy. And I keep calling them, to tell them where to go. Like they wouldn't know, ha. Well, enough about my dog friends. There something more important to share here.
This is where my journey begins. I chose to clear out my past and present experiences that do not serve me anymore. During the walk I started to remember some of the very difficult times I had with someone I called a friend. And I remembered how hurt I felt when I realized (or not yet) what was actually going on in that relationship.
I remembered how I was treated bad, how I was cheated and deceived, and in the end really humiliated. I also remembered the feelings of panic and deep fear that were always associated when I was around that person. As I was recalling all those feelings (since I didn't remember any more the situations), I realized how easy I would just take someone else's feelings – like panic and fear – as my own feelings. I did realize in that moment how, for many years my life was governed by other's peoples feelings. It wasn't a big 'aha' moment, since I knew this was going on, but I felt it and accepted it, finally.
Does this sound familiar? You bet.
As I was walking my walk (ha ha ha), the movements of the walk, the presence of the dogs and the beauty of the nature I was seeing around me distracted me from my thoughts. I was breathing with every step I was taking... a slow and gentle breath, I was having a nice pace, and was enjoying myself.
By the time I got back home, I felt fine and I was happy to have been out in the cold for that nice walk.
In the house, I kept myself "busy" with doing things for myself, taking care of my body: a nice bath, checking emails, or preparing some food. But as the time would go by, little by little I felt uncomfortable. The energy inside began to feel somehow very contracted. I started to think (yes, to think) about everything I couldn't do, or didn't work. I suddenly started to "see" how I wasn't manifesting what I chose to create, I felt bad about myself, I felt contracted, also some pity about myself, and I started to doubt everything that I am doing in the now. Because I remembered all the things that didn't happen, or didn't work in my mind. I also doubted my creator powers. "What if I am not such a good creator, like I keep saying?"
Well, in the next hours I got my answer. It didn't take so long like it usually happened before. It took only about four hours. It was enough for me.
All the torment and the pain, all the suffering and the doubt of so many years in my life were coming to the surface. My breath was contracting, too... I almost had no air by the end of the day. "So, what is going on? Why do I feel so contracted? Did I do something to create this?" I had a feeling of being in a spider web, completely paralyzed, and watching myself die a slow death. It would hurt so bad, that I couldn't even feel myself.
And I died.
I died. Not as slow as I was feeling, since it only took me some hours to come back to my truth. But I died. The aspect of me, that felt for such a long time trapped, victimized, not recognized, not listened to, not important, not worthy, not good enough (god enough works too)... this aspect was dying. But not like we imagine death. This aspect was ready to integrate into the Whole Me, in All who I am.
My choice to let go of what doesn't serve me anymore was paid attention to. I wasn't the "victim" of my past, I didn't do anything to create again a situation that would make me feel trapped, I didn't do anything wrong. My Soul was just bringing into my attention that aspect of myself that was ready to go, that was ready to die. I was ready to look at this very sensitive topic that used to be so present into my life for the last time (and so it shall be).
Even if the human Me was being aware that it wasn't true what I was thinking, I felt it. I felt all those feelings from the past. And I felt the great pain and suffering, that were cutting my breath. And I was ready to see that it wasn't my present pain or suffering. It was an old, old wound.
Whether it is about trusting self, or trusting others, or about being lovable or loving others, or about being deceived or deceiving others (and you can add your own experiences/feelings here), all these feelings are feelings that come from the past. They come from the past of my/our aspects, that remember them. The aspects remember the feelings very clearly. They might even remember some situations where we felt ashamed, or blamed, or humiliated. They remember. But our Soul is ready to take these aspects back home, to hold them and to let them know that everything is alright. Everything is fine. Nothing is wrong, we are doing just fine.
It is like in a bad dream. We wake up and we remember the feelings so strongly. We weep and our body shakes. But it is a dream, that was based on experiences we had in the past. It is not the Now, it is not the Truth about who we are now. It is not our True Self.
And now, I would like - or Tobias would like to say some words about all of this.
Tobias:"Indeed... And so it is, Dear Friends.
You are all ready to integrate those aspects of yours that are so ready to come back Home. To come back into You, the True You. You are ready, since now it is the time where you prepare yourself for the new Era of Conscious Creation.
You entered this Era and you feel how things are moving so fast, and sometimes incredibly slow. You want fast changes, but then you feel sometimes completely overwhelmed. Other times you want the changes, and they feel very far away.
This is such a time, where I would suggest that you all come to peace of mind and realization that your Soul is in charge and is leading you in the right direction.
The issues that have been a long pain in the ass for you, they are (literally) manifesting for you. You can no longer sit on them. They appear in a second. And if you ask yourselves why, then remember: It doesn't matter why, they are going to pass, you are going to integrate them, and you are bringing in the changes that you want so much. Stop asking yourselves so many questions, and try to go with the flow.
Many of you had these past days issues that involved feelings around being victim, hurt, not listened to, not paid attention to, not recognized.
Do not be worried. Because this is the time where yours, and the planetary feminine energies are stepping out. The feminine energies can no longer stay hidden and accept the "opression". And I say oppression, because my dears, the feminine, as you know has been put in the background and had to hide for so long now. And that hurt so, so much. You felt it these last days. You felt how all the things that came up and were bringing with them the suffering and the pain, they were so profound. It is a deep wound that is ready to be healed by the humanity. And the healing that is taking place, you are feeling it. You are feeling it deep inside your being, as something that has to be released.
The prey is ready to get out of the cobweb. You – and everybody else – are no longer ready to accept the humiliation, the oppression, the hidden place, and the "slow death" like you say, of the feminine. The feminine is ready to rise and shine. The feminine is about to emerge from the ashes of the past. Like a beautiful phoenix.
As the feminine energies integrate completely into your Being, and they are released from the old patterns of living, these wonderful energies start to meld beautifully with the masculine energies, that are ready to receive them. And please, do not see this as a linear process. It is not the masculine that receives the feminine like you are thinking. It is the feminine that falls in the arms of the masculine, that is ready to have this amazing dance again.
The alchemy of this encounter creates, in the same time something completely new. So, do not wonder if those of you, that are now in a relationship with a partner, you will discover a new way of communicating and of coming together. There is a new experience of the relationship that you are going to experience. A new bonding, a new way of experiencing the love and the sharing of who you are.
And this alchemy is not reserved only to those of you in a partnership. This will happen in each and every one of you. You will feel it. You will feel a new peace inside of you. The restlessness that was there for a long time now, the sometimes conflicting ideas inside yourself – a part of you that was ready to do something, and the other that still needed to ponder on the results of your actions – they are finding now new ways of expressing. There is a greater flow, and you will find yourself being able to put things into practice a lot faster, and with greater ease.
So, I encourage you all to feel yourself and to feel how this wonderful dance of the feminine and the masculine is taking place right now. Observe and feel the new way you are experiencing yourself, and the relationships with others. And give yourself time to integrate this experience.
You are doing a great job, like you say. You are riding on top of that wave, and nothing is going to stop the experience you are inviting in, from coming to you. Be at peace and in trust that all is well.
We are always with you, loving you and supporting you. You are never alone.”
© copyright 2007 Alexandra Mahlimay and Dan Bennack
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