1.31.2013

Jennifer Hoffman: How do I deal with my anger?

Anger is an interesting emotion in our society. Having been a male-energy-dominated society for so long, for many of us anger has become an acceptable way to express ourselves. For others of us, typically those who are very sensitive and/or empathic, we are afraid of our anger. We know our anger is hurtful to whomever its directed at, and very often we don't even want to feel anger arise in us, let alone express it.

But anger left unexperienced is as harmful to us as any other negative emotion unexperienced - it only gets worse. You can be sure that someone experiencing and expressing rage didn't start out at rage, they simply never learned how to experience and express their anger in its earlier stages. It results from a feeling of powerlessness, and its expression is one way we try to get that lost power back.

That said, experiencing anger doesn't mean we need to give in to our anger through outbursts, although expressing anger is far better than holding it in and letting it fester and grow. Instead we can examine our anger and experience it without hurting or involving others, even if the examination stage comes after an outburst.

In the article below, Jennifer Hoffman talks about what anger represents and has some suggestions for how to deal with it.
Q&A: How Do I Deal With My Anger?

Published January 30, 2013

By Jennifer Hoffman

Dear Jennifer: I have been working so hard on my spiritual growth but I still struggle with anger from things that happened in the past and I get very angry with people in my life who don’t honor their commitments to me. I’m angry at the people who abuse animals and children and at anyone who takes advantage of others. I feel that this is not very spiritual behavior so I am angry with myself for being angry. Is it OK to feel anger and how do I release it so I can think of these situations without feeling so angry?

Jennifer’s Answer: We judge ourselves too harshly when we think that by being spiritual we have to also be above our normal human emotions, feelings and reactions. Anger is an emotion that reflects resistance to something. It is also a judgment that reflects an unmet expectation or belief. We feel anger towards people because we think they should act more kindly or respectfully towards us than we do. We also feel anger at situations that we think are unjust or unfair. Overall, anger is a reflection of our own fear around being powerless.

If you are angry over something from your past, was there an unmet expectation around this issue? Did someone do something that hurt you and you expected them to act differently? Were you powerless to change the situation and that made you angry? When we’re afraid, especially in situations where we feel powerless, are at risk of being hurt (in any way, physically, psychically, and emotionally), anger is how we express that fear. Just as we laugh when we’re happy, we get angry when we are afraid. Anger makes us feel powerful and allows us to take action, despite our fear. It’s a very ancient response that once served to save our lives so we could run away from dinosaurs. Now it serves a new purpose as a powerful tool for transformation. It is not ‘non-spiritual’, it’s very human. The solution to anger is to use it and not suppress, bury or ignore it. The opposite of anger is acceptance and it is healed through the energy of love (hint: love is an energy, not an emotion and you can hold the energy of love for people you are angry with).

All people get angry because they are human and have emotions and everyone has a spirit, so they are all ‘spiritual’. As a human you will feel emotional energy; what is important is what you do with that energy. If we consider anger as just an emotion and nothing else, it becomes another tool for transformation. Knowing what your anger is about, what it means to you, and where you feel powerless creates the opportunity for healing and transformation and the anger becomes the point of change.

From that point of powerlessness, you can see where you limit your own power, where you think that others limit your power, and what you expect of others by always thinking they should be in their power and highest aspects. When you see people in their highest aspects, and not as they are, you get angry with them for not living up to their potential (and all of the connections between you that this affects) and you feel powerless and helpless. But you are not seeing them as they really are and that is your issue, not theirs.

Anger shows us where we resist truth, our own and that that of others. When we see anger as another emotion, we can stop judging it as ‘bad’ and ourselves for being in our humanity. Then we can use every experience to complete our healing path instead of blocking the flow of healing through judgments. It is possible to use anger to know where we are wounded, vulnerable, feel helpless, wish someone would rescue us, martyr and victimize ourselves and then learn to express ourselves in more powerful ways. Each place where we resist is a potential for transformation, as long as we move beyond judgment and into understanding. Learn to observe your anger, learn from it, heal the wound and then release everything around it, including you. Then you will feel more powerful and from that point, will experience fewer opportunities to be angry.

Copyright (c) 2013 by Jennifer Hoffman. You may translate, link to or quote this article, in its entirety, as long as you include the author name and a working link back to this website. Any other use of this material is strictly prohibited.

1.28.2013

Anger and Its Relationship to Fear

In a recent post, titled "Fear And Our Future" I talked about how fear keeps us from achieving the vibrations - both individually and as a mass consciousness - that all of us seek, even if we aren't consciously aware of that seeking. I spoke of my own experiences with and clearing fear. But there's more to fear than meets the physical eye. Fear has many expressions, and anger is one of them.

In some ways, anger seems like the opposite of fear: Anger is forceful, strong, and external, while fear appears to be more cowering, tentative, and internal. But while the physical and emotional expression of anger differs from the physical and emotional expression of fear, they are deeply related to each other. Anger is simply another way in which we express fear.

As with fear, anger is rooted in a feeling of powerlessness. But whereas fear is expressed as giving our power away, anger is expressed as attempting to take power from someone else. The only reason we'd want or need to take power from another is because we want to get back something that we believe we've lost - our own power. Anger attempts to shift the fear to someone else, shifting the powerlessness to them, which helps us feel like we got some power back. A worthy tactic, but not one that's going to aid us in getting to where we want to be, living together as One in harmony, ease, and grace.

So if we are attempting to get to the source of fear - and it's my belief that this is a valuable thing for us to be doing - it's useful to examine what anger is, what makes us angry, and how to clear it. For underneath the anger lies the fear that we are attempting to hide from through our expression of anger.

The following article from The Arcturian Group through Marilyn Raffaele explains in another way why examining and shifting out of anger is useful.

The Arcturian Group Message: January 27, 2013
As channelled by Marilyn Raffaele at Oneness of All – January 27, 2012

Greetings dear ones. We speak to you in this time of change and fear, for many are still holding on to fears which in turn push them to make less that perfect choices. This is not a criticism, but simply an observation of the world’s state of consciousness. It is perfectly understandable that you would experience fear, for all around you are the signs of war, death, and violence. However, these appearances can take you deeper should you choose.

Use these times to evaluate your belief systems, asking yourselves; “What is it that I believe? What is it that I wish to create in my life? What am I still holding on to that I now know is not truth?”

If you wish to change the manifestation of that which is not of the highest light in your lives and your world, then these questions must be seriously pondered. Too many simply sit and wait for others to do the work of changing the outer scene.
The material world (that which you can see, hear, taste, touch, and smell) is the manifestation of spiritual reality, but as interpreted according to the states of consciousness of those in the world. Where one sees a magnificent living forest, another sees only the money to be had in cutting it all down.

When you understand this, you will also understand the great hope embodied within the constitution of the United States. This document was brought into being by illumined souls who were being guided from this side because the world was ready to bring in a new awareness, new ways of living, and a new and higher sense of life. However, as with all truth, much of it was and still is being interpreted according to less evolved states of consciousness resulting in its often being misused and misinterpreted.

Be aware dear ones, that you are here to learn and grow and evolve, not to simply for enjoyment and pleasure. Joy is an important part of living because it most closely resonates with the energy of the higher dimensions, but living only for the pleasure and satisfactions of life on earth is not joy.

This topic we are choosing to talk about today is anger, for anger has become a dominant energy among so many individuals, countries, and societies. Anger arises out of the third dimensional belief of duality and separation. There are many occasions when one indeed needs to speak up and state their truth or take action, but we are speaking of the general invasive anger based on appearances now permeating the earth. This subject is rarely talked about in channels, but we believe that there must be a correct understanding of anger in order for the spiritual student to move beyond it in its negative form.

Anger energy holds many in bondage to events, experiences, and people from the past, and needs to be released if one is to spiritually evolve. Anger energy can form energetic cords to people, places, and events which often stay in place from lifetime to lifetime. These need to be consciously removed, and this can be done through intention and visualization or by a spiritually evolved energy worker. You will know if you have energetic cords to someone or something by the negative or even positive reactions you experience when thinking or being with them. Energetic cords connect you to someone or something in a more intense way.

Anger is the fuel of war, and frequently holds whole countries in bondage to the past – generation after generation. It is an obsolete energy that acts to prevent individuals and governments from ever moving forward. Anger results from the misunderstanding of groups, individuals, countries, ideas, and anything that does not fit in with one’s personal concepts. It permeates many organized religions, serving only to separate people in what could be a time of great awakening.

We do not say you are never to speak your truth, or that you must agree with everyone, but we say that the time has come for the world to embrace dialog and understanding of others’ points of view instead of looking to violence or a stubborn refusal to compromise for solutions.

There are still many countries that hold anger and grudges toward those of another country for events of the past, teaching their children to hate and hold obsolete and finished energy from one generation to the next. This is what keeps people and countries from evolving and bringing in the new earth you seek dear ones, for the Light of that new world you desire cannot manifest in an ever renewing heavy block of dense energy.

This is not a message urging all to become door mats, or to simply ignore situations while saying; “Oh well, God is all, it isn’t real” for this is indeed “human”. We are simply alerting you to the subtle energy of anger that at this time you are unaware is underlying many of your choices and ideas.

Speak your truth, take whatever human footsteps are needed to change things to a higher level – bringing light to those issues that need changing, but do it with an energy of awakened understanding and not the energy of anger. Anger energy imbues the object of the anger with power and reality.

Strong words or actions may need to be taken in some circumstances, but when they carry the energy of awareness, they hold a different resonance than when done in an energy of hate or anger. This way of working starves the energy of anger which will in turn lesson and finally disappear for it is only the false concepts of duality and separation that keep it alive.

We are the Arcturian Group 1/27/13

1.27.2013

Living As Our Multidimensional Self

While I follow a number of spiritual blogs and channels, perhaps none speak more clearly to what resonates with me currently than Suzanne Lie and her "Multiple Realities" series. I can't say that I completely understand what she's presenting, but I know that she continues to describe different phases of the perception point where I strive to be.
Do you want to be the one who plays the game and thinks it is real? Or, do you want to be your SELF? Your Multidimensional SELF is projecting its light through your spark-point to interact with and contribute to the tapestry of over 7-billion individual versions of the reality that is cast onto the holographic screen.
Ascension is turning around inside your Embryo of SELF to log into your Multidimensional SELF rather than the holographic game. What would that be like, you wonder? What would it be like to awaken one morning to find yourself logged into the holographic game and realize that the game is not real? At that point will you know that YOU are real? Will you know that the Essence of each person, plant animal and planetary structure is real?
Interesting too, is Sue's description of Mytre and his experience piloting a scout ship with his intent alone. That story has become a touchstone for me. Whenever I find myself stuck in the mire of this density, believing in the hologram and not in my ability to create I remember that scene and I think .. if Mytre can pilot a space craft with his belief and intent alone, surely I can project what I want to see into this silly hologram! I can't say that I'm 100% successful at that, or even successful in the majority, but I can acknowledge, appreciate, and enjoy the successes that I've had, while knowing that I can do more. Practice, practice, practice as Steve Rother and the group love to say! :)

For convenience, Part 6 of Sue's series is reproduced in full below.
Multiple Realities 6
The Embryo of SELF

through Suzanne Lie

Our Dearest Ones,

You are now gestating your Embryo of SELF within your field of consciousness. This Embryo is the expression of your true, Multidimensional SELF who will lead you through your process of personal and planetary ascension. Many of our ascending ones went through great doubt when the proposed time of ascension came and went like a cloud crossing the sky. What you did not see was what was occurring within your SELF, as you were looking into the hologram instead of into the Truth.

This Truth is different for each one of you, which is the glory of your myriad incarnations in a world of polarity and individuality. This individuality allowed you to find a personal expression of your Being, which is somewhat unique in the Multiverse. As you have seen, there are many negative side effects of the degree of individuality that your world has experienced.

The main negative side effect is the loss of connection to your Multidimensional SELF. The individuality that your world has taught you has cast you into your own perception of reality, which is often different from that of those with whom you share your life. These varying perceptions of reality can easily cause strife, which has been so very common. However, if you now turn around inside of your SELF, you will see that this individuality is yet another version of the many illusions in which you have lived.

Inside of your SELF is the YOU who created the illusion of the separation, which led to the appearance of individuality. We speak of the illusion that whatever each one of you does, thinks, feels, desires or expresses, affects you and you only. On the other hand, when you look onto the matrix, which is the format for the illusions of separation in your world, you will see that you are all completely and infinitely connected.

Your individuality is actually your personal spark-point in the Matrix through which you are inter-connected to every other individual spark-point. Within the Embryo of your SELF you can perceive how your spark-point allows you to interact with the Matrix that connects you to every other spark-point. In fact, from within the Matrix you can see the flow of energy that is sharing its perceptions of SELF through their personal spark-point.

Therefore, we ask that you use your wonderful imagination to turn your eyes around and push open the curtain to see who is creating the illusion. Yes, the creator of your illusion is YOU. Do you see how your individuality allows each of you to see the same flow of energy in a slightly different way? Do you understand how each of you share your interpretation of the same flow and project it out through your spark-point and into the illusion of your 3D reality?

Furthermore, you each believe that you are different. Hence, you take on many different roles to create variety in the reality that you are ALL creating. However, you forgot that you ALL are creating this reality. You have forgotten that you live in a vast tapestry that is constructed of over 7-billion spark-points that are all projecting their perception onto the illusion of your physical world. You have all done such a fine job of creating your reality that you forgot that your world is an illusion.

You forgot that if you turned your mind around you could see, not the holographic picture that was created by each Spark-Point, but the Matrix of your holographic screen. In fact, we ask you to NOW turn your mind around. Turn your emotions around. Turn your perceptions around. Place your attention and intention, not on the tapestry of projected light, but on the light that is being projected out through your spark-point.

If you do so you will realize that YOU are each projectors of light. You are each movie cameras who are projecting your perceptions of reality onto the holographic tapestry of third dimensional reality. Each of you is projecting your individual experience of reality out through your individual portal, spark-point, and onto the holographic screen of the third dimensional illusion. Then, somehow, you each must find a way to pull the over 7-billion different projections into some cohesive form of reality as you know.

However, each of YOU only knows reality through your own, individual interpretation of a huge collage with over 7-billion pictures. Do you understand now why there are certain pictures that do not peacefully flow into the next picture? Do you realize now why certain pictures are very big, as that spark-point wants the dominate the holographic screen, while other pictures are very small pictures as that spark-point want to be as invisible as possible?

However, not ONE of you is invisible to your Higher Expression of SELF. Not ONE of you is insignificant to your Multidimensional SELF. Your Multidimensional SELF does not exist within the holographic image that you have thought of as your reality. Your SELF flows within the matrix which is the foundation of the reality that you believe is "real." Your SELF knows that your reality is only a holographic projection and that only YOU are real.

You are real because YOU are the projection from your Multidimensional SELF. You do not know that you are a projection onto this huge "video game" because you have become lost in your avatar self, your individual holographic projection. You forgot that your spark-point is a window through which you can look into the hologram, a door through which you can join the video game.

Most important, you forgot that your spark-point determines what version of the game you are playing. When you "wake up" in the morning, you find yourself in the avatar body that you believe is your individual self. However, you forgot that this game is a collective game, and every single input into the game is displayed onto the holographic screen that you think is YOUR world.

Your Embryo of SELF is the YOU that quietly whispers to your spark-point to remind you that you do not have to log into that holographic illusion. It is just a game. Do you want to be the one who plays the game and thinks it is real? Or, do you want to be your SELF? Your Multidimensional SELF is projecting its light through your spark-point to interact with and contribute to the tapestry of over 7-billion individual versions of the reality that is cast onto the holographic screen.

Ascension is not the video game, as this game is not real. Ascension is turning around inside your Embryo of SELF to log into your Multidimensional SELF rather than the holographic game. What would that be like, you wonder? What would it be like to awaken one morning to find yourself logged into the holographic game and realize that the game is not real? At that point will you know that YOU are real? Will you know that the Essence of each person, plant animal and planetary structure is real?

The Multidimensional Projector who sends its light into the Matrix to be projected out through one of its myriad spark-points is real. However, each spark-point puts their personal perception of reality onto that Light. All these projections, which adhere to the tapestry of over 7-billion experiences of reality, are a holograph. Do you want to be the projection of your version of reality, or do you want to be the Multidimensional Projector who projects the Truth into the Matrix?

What would you see if you turned around inside yourself to look, not into the hologram, but into your Multidimensional Projector SELF? If you could BE your SELF you could consciously project your Light into the Matrix, then consciously receive that multidimensional light and project it out through your spark-point.

We are aware that you are all very attached to your holographic game. In fact, we, your Higher Expressions of SELF, are also attached to this game. We want this game to have a happy ending as much as you do. However, we know that it is a game and that it is not REAL. We also know that each spark-point is only one of over 7-billion spark-points who are projecting their version of reality onto the holographic screen.

Most of these spark-points are projecting a version of reality based on third-dimensional illusions because they have not yet remembered that they are their SELF. Hence, they only know the reality that is projected onto the holographic screen. Therefore, they do not realize that they can logout of the game whenever they are tired of being an individual that is separate from over 7-billion other individuals. They do not know that they have played this gave over and over and over and over. When the avatar self “dies,” they finally get to logout of the game.

Fortunately, many of you, our ascending ones, are projecting your multidimensional light and unconditional love into the game, but you are very tired of this game. However, you do no want to lose the game. You do not want to abandon the game and let it crash. You want to WIN the game. You want to win the game by remembering that it is not real. You want to remember that YOU are the Multidimensional Projector of Light and not just another individual spark-point that believes the game is real.

In other words, you want to be the Embryo of your Multidimensional SELF. You want your Embryo SELF to ascend into another magnificent expression of YOUR immense multidimensional light and unconditional love. Therefore, instead of logging back into the game each morning and forgetting your SELF, you want to start each morning-login by reminding your individual self that YOU are NOT the projection!

YOU are the Multidimensional Projector who consciously logs into the game, consciously puts on your avatar self and consciously remembers that YOU are the projector and NOT the projection. Now, we would like you to also remember that your Projector SELF is one of our lower frequencies of expression. YOU are one of us, the Galactics, Celestials and Ascended Masters, at a lower frequency of our Multidimensional SELF.

As our lower frequency of SELF, you have created and/or maintained an individual expression so that WE can login to Planet Earth Hologram. We, your Higher SELF, want to win this game too. We do NOT want the game to end with our dark-side avatar self never awakening. We do NOT want to end this game with our ascending avatar dying before you live the glorious experience of planetary ascension.

We realize that you, our avatar selves, need our help. We understand now that we made the game too difficult. We created a game to see if beings could become totally separated into individuals, and still remember their Higher Expression of SELF. This game was too difficult for anyone to win because too many dark-ones decided to never remember their light. Therefore, we have made a holographic insert into our game to assist our spark-point’s avatar self.

This holographic insert is the option for you to remember that YOU are OUR projection into the Matrix. We realize that if you are to win this game, you will have to remember that you are a great multidimensional being. Therefore, if you can turn inside to consciously perceive our magnificent multidimensional light and unconditional love being projected into you, you can use your spark-point as a light portal through which YOU can be the Projector of our Higher Light and Love.

More and more of our spark-points have come to the final level of this game. This final level is known as “The Ascension Home.” We want you to know that we are projecting as much of our collective light and love into YOU as you can tolerate. In this manner, we are be able to awaken the sleeping avatars, transform the dark-side avatars and bring your Embryo of SELF into full awareness.

Dear ascending ones, do you understand now why you are so very tired and why you need so much sleep? Do you understand now why you are suffering so many symptoms of transformation (illness) and/or feel agitated, nervous, anxious and/or depressed? Your small, low frequency avatar body is being stressed to the maximum.

Fortunately, YOU can merge into us, your Higher Expressions, to recharge and expand your consciousness so that you can consciously accept and project our multidimensional light and unconditional love into OUR shared game. Of course, ALL life is real. However, the illusion of life is not real because it is a distortion of energy patterns. These distorted energy patterns resonate to the very low frequency of the third and fourth dimensions.

On the other hand, with this new insert, we can project our multidimensional light and unconditional love into YOU, our Embryos of SELF. Then, you can project our Light onto the 3D hologram. In this manner, you become a Multidimensional Projector of the highest frequencies of light, which is unconditional love. This projection of Light and Love into you, and then into the hologram, will increasingly transmute the illusion of separation and polarity into the Truth of Unity and Oneness.

We end this transmission by reminding you to remain conscious of what you project into the hologram. You are our representatives and have the innate ability to transmute illusion into Truth. Thus, when you awaken in the morning, please take a moment to consciously remember who you really are! Carry this remembrance throughout your day. Then, when you “fall asleep,” you logout of the 3D Game and can return Home to us.

Blessings from The Arcturians and ALL your Higher Expressions of SELF

1.26.2013

Fear. And Our Future.

Hello my friends.

Well here we are, more than a month since my last posting.

In that time, when I have looked out into the world, into my neighborhood, into my own external life, it appeared as if nothing had changed. I still saw countries at war, I still saw prejudice and abusive behavior directed against numerous men women children and animals, and each other. I still saw banks taking people's homes. I still saw corporations treating people like commodities instead of treating them like the sovereign beings that they are. I still saw mainstream media focusing on drama and fear-mongering and not on what's going well or even on what's true. I still saw people treating each other disrespectfully. I still saw people being slaves to the jobs that keep their lives going - surviving but not thriving. I still saw people living on the streets, people in abject poverty, people with no means and very little hope. I still saw people suffering and dying in and out of hospitals. I still saw children, teenagers, young adults, abusing themselves and taking their own life because they saw and felt no value in their own being.

In some ways this realization shattered my world. At this point in time, the start of the year 2013, we weren't - on my time table - supposed to still be living in a world like that. If you have followed this blog for even a short time you will know that I am and have been since starting it, a proponent of ascension, of the coming of The Golden Age, of humanity putting down the mantle of power-over-others and picking up the mantle of follow-your-heart. I know with every fiber of my being, to the very depths of my soul, that what I have been seeing is not who we are as a race. So why are we continuing to act as if it is? I did not know how to reconcile my knowing with what was and is happening in the external world.

Over the last month I have had to look into my soul and ask "why is this so?" Why, when some of us are so clear that it is time to give up trying to control each other and live instead in ease, harmony, and grace, together united as one, are we still confronted with so much despicable behavior in the world? It has taken me weeks to delve into this sadness, to realize that for one, things are not as bleak as they appear, and two, everything is unfolding perfectly.

It sounds trite to say that, I know. How can it be perfect that all this abysmal, one might say even despicable, behavior continues to rule our world? It can be and is perfect because I'd forgotten one very simple yet crucial thing - that in the higher vibrations that we all aspire to, whether we are consciously aware of that aspiration or not, fear cannot exist. Fear cannot and does not exist in those higher vibrations. Which means that those experiencing fear, living in fear, being driven by fear, cannot access those higher vibrations. No matter how much we want to and expect to.

And that is what this last month for me, for all of us, has been about. It's been about drawing into our own lives, each of us as individuals and therefore all of us together as a race, the external expression of those things that we fear. Unless and until we experience and clear those fears, our world is going to continue to reflect just such fears. When I realized this, I knew that it was time to re-address my own fears, the ones that I'd pretended I didn't still have.

For me personally, I have lived with fear to perhaps a greater degree than most. I recall as a child that I was virtually paralyzed with fear most of the time. I was so afraid of my father (a very loving and good man) that I would stand against a wall for hours trying to summon the courage to ask him if I could have something or do something. I don't know if the fear was that he'd say no, or just what the fear was, all I recall is that it was a rare time when I could actually summon the courage to confront him and ask him anything. I became "a good girl" and "a good student" because I was afraid to be anything less.

I recall being so afraid of "boogey men" in my bedroom that at bedtime I would stand paralyzed against the wall under the light switch, too afraid to switch it off for fear something in the darkness would consume me. When I did summon the courage to switch off the light, I would run like the dickens, jump into my bed, and pull the covers up over my head. I would lie there, under the covers, shaking, my heart beating a hundred miles an hour, until at some blessed moment sleep would overtake me.

I recall being taken to doctors and dentists, cowering and screaming from the methods they used to treat me - big needles and torturous cutting with no anesthetic. Compassion in medicine appeared completely lacking when I was a child; I was told to buck up and stop being such a cry baby whiner. Every little noise, or quick movement in my environment, would cause me to react fearfully. I was called "skittish" and "afraid of my own shadow". And because I reacted so strongly to outside stimulus, of course other kids and my own family would make a point of creating situations where those reactions would be triggered. They considered that fun. I made them laugh. These are but a few examples.

I don't relate these things for sympathy. I know that all of these experiences were valuable for me and I look at them with calm understanding, acceptance, and even honor. I relate them merely to lay the foundation for what I am about to unfold. So the important thing to know is that I lived in constant fear as a child, so much so that I didn't even recognize 'not fear'. It wasn't until I was an adult and began doing a lot of work toward personal growth that I got enough relief from my fears that I could actually tell the physical difference between being in fear and not being in fear.

Unlike many, who feel fear in their gut, I feel and felt fear in my heart. Right in the center of my chest is where my fear resides/resided. It felt/feels like being stabbed repeatedly with a hot iron right in my heart.

When I was finally able to recognize these feelings for what they were, I began the long journey of recognizing and releasing the many many things that I found fearful. With each release I reveled in the peace that I found, and often made the mistake of thinking that I was done. Heh. I'm sure those of you reading this can relate - just about the time you start getting comfortable with the freedom from releasing some specific fear, another one comes along to take its place. That's the process - clear one, enjoy the peace, and then another one comes to the surface so that it too can be cleared. This is and has been appropriate, because this is and has been, a time of clearing. For all of us.

I recall a conversation with my teacher and mentor of the last few years, Steve Rother and his unseen friends, "the group". They told me that the patterns I've developed around fear have caused me more grief over many lifetimes than the fear ever did. As I've come to release more and more of my fears, I've found this to be absolutely true. There are many ways in which I've adapted to my fears. Fear is uncomfortable, and I'm not into feeling uncomfortable. I'll do about anything not to feel those horrible feelings that are my response to fear. In other words, I've developed patterns, methods and ways of being, that allow me to dismiss or hide from the pain in my heart when I go into fear. One of these methods is to consume sugar. Sugar makes the pain go away, and this behavior had become so habitual that I didn't even realize why I'd been doing it.

Another pattern is to smile and laugh and pretend I'm not hurting. It hurts to hurt, and most of us humans avoid it like the proverbial plague. I have been no different. I'm so sick and tired of pain - both physical pain and emotional pain - that I'll do about anything to avoid feeling it. I'll push it aside, I'll pretend it away, I'll grab a sweet, I'll blame some one or some thing, I'll get huffy and mad, I'll take a nap, I'll get busy doing something .. just about anything to not feel it, to not confront it.

So this is what I've been doing for the last month while I fell silent on my blog. I've been confronting my fears. Each time something happens in my life that causes that feeling in my heart, I stop and focus on the feeling. I don't do anything else, I just focus on the feeling. I don't try to figure out why I'm feeling it, I don't try to judge that I am feeling it. I focus on the feelings in my body and let the rest of the world fade into the background. I let the feelings consume me. If I'm not in a safe place to allow this I 'bookmark' the event leading up to it and the feelings around it and get back to it when I am in a safe place.

I say 'safe place' because being consumed by fear can cause a whole litany of physical reactions that could scare the boots off of those around me. The deepest of my fear reactions cause my body to shake, cause floods of tears, have even caused wailing and screaming. When a fear has been allowed to become physical to such a degree it can be frightening in the extreme to let it run its course. I have called upon my guides and unseen mentors to assist me in this process, asking them to flood my body with unconditional love and acceptance while I work through my physical and emotional fear reactions.

I must add a note of caution at this point. While I was and am able to confront my fears alone on the physical plane, I don't recommend that others do it that way. I know that I can, because I recognize fear for what it is. On a soul level I'm clearly aware that there is nothing to fear. Fear comes from decisions that we make, have made, that some one or some thing is fearful. We do this, have done this, when some unwanted consequence is or was experienced. Thereafter the same or similar situations, events, experiences, trigger that protection reaction. In other words, we have taught our bodies to go into fear out of the decisions that we've made, both in this lifetime and others. The fear decision is carried in our DNA, so of course it affects our physical body. But it can be cleared, it can be transmuted. So for me, fear is a physical and emotional thing, not a spiritual thing. I give no power to fear on a soul level, so releasing it on a physical level is something I can do for myself. If one is still attached to their fear and cannot own it, they are likely going to need the presence of other physical beings to feel safe enough to release it, to even think about the possibility of integrating and releasing it.

For me, I know in my core that no one and no thing has any power over me that I do not give it. And yet my body continues to react to fear even with this knowing. What I am doing is allowing my body to feel its fear without judgement, without excuses, without telling it not to, without telling it that it shouldn't. I have been telling myself that I shouldn't give in to the fear for most of my life, and that clearly has not worked.

Through allowing this process I'm teaching my body that I, the soul-level being, am back in charge. I no longer give in to the old decisions stored in my DNA, the ones that tell me that I need to be afraid. As I confront more and more fear reactions, the DNA programming changes too - my body responds less and less often and less and less severely, which is why I find the process so important.

When I look into my external life I see that I bring to me the circumstances and experiences that trigger my fears. Those experiences tend to look like some one or some thing is doing something to me that I don't deserve, didn't ask for, and don't want. I can be completely justified in my righteous indignation about all of these experiences - "I didn't ask for this!!" Sadly, doing so only makes them come back around again, more powerful than before. Because this is what I have asked for - I have asked to discover, uncover, and release that which I have habitually responded to with fear. And so has everyone else who finds themselves on the planet at this time, whether it looks like that or not, whether they are aware of it or not. So instead of bemoaning the situations that I find myself in, instead I appreciate, honor, and respect those circumstances and experiences for showing me what I want to see. For being so much right in my face that the things that I respond to in a fearful way can no longer be ignored.

As I said, this is what I have been doing for the last month - facing my fears. It hasn't been pretty. It hasn't been easy. It hasn't been fun. But it has been worth it. I've come to a place of peace and calm in my life that is so profound I cannot even describe it. Externally, in one particular area of my life, it looks as if my entire world is crashing down around my ears. And yet I know different. That may be how it looks, but that's not how it is. I have made a soul decision that I will never ever again give my power away to any one or any thing, and I am moving forward from that stance. I AM a sovereign being, I AM a part of the One, I AM an eternal spirit. I call the shots in my own life. I write the script, I call upon the other actors, I direct the movie, I am the primary actor and I am also in the audience. Along with the rest of humanity. My own private production in my own private life, and our joint production globally. In every sense.

When my body goes into fear it is saying, in essence, that whatever or whomever I fear has power over me. They do not. I do not give them that power. That is my choice and mine alone. So as situations arise that send my body back into those kinds feelings, the ones that have me wanting to cower and run, or to be strong and pretend the pain doesn't exist, instead I focus on the feeling. I focus on it until it resolves itself, which interestingly enough, it always does. When the pain is overpowering I call upon every energetic entity that I know of to flood me with unconditional love and acceptance, and believe me, this has helped tremendously. We do not have to suffer our pain alone - there are physical beings and non-physical beings, seen beings and unseen beings, who are ready, willing, and able to help with this process, if only we would ask. We live under the rule of freedom to choose, so we must ask before help will be given. I encourage everyone to ask!

And so here I am, not really knowing how to take this blog forward, but knowing that I will. Knowing that when I look out into the world I will focus not on what I see that's not working, but on what I want to see. If I see what is not working I will use that as a springboard to envision what I prefer to see. When I see or experience something that isn't working, I remember that I have created it with my own un-confronted fear, as each of us have. As each of us works through and releases those fears, we bring into being the very world that have said that we want to see. That's the work. That has been the work since the beginning of duality, just now humanity is stepping into that work both singly and jointly.

This is my world, as it is your world. We live in it, we envision it, we create it. For me, I want to live in a world of true equality, true compassion, true abundance, true appreciation, true loving of one another, true harmony and true cooperation with all the creatures and beings of nature, true harmony and cooperation with all the creatures and beings in our Galaxy, true peace, true honesty, true ease and true grace. That is my new world. A world that works for everyone, with no one left out. I am pleased, honored, and overjoyed to be in that world with all of you.

And so it is.