Balancing the Ego

World wide, people are talking a lot about the human ego these days. It used to be that only psychologists and psychiatrists, gurus and spiritual ‘seekers’ talked about ego. Often talk of the ego was about transcending it, which many people mistook to mean “eliminate” it. What we’re realizing now is that the ego can’t be eliminated, it’s a part of who we are as a physical being here on earth.

Our ego is a tool, one with which we can experience this amazing and wonderful world that we live in. Our ego is our friend. Our friend, yes, but like anything given in excess, if we give it too much power it can become possessive and abusive and doesn’t serve our best interests. There has to be a balance.

Since our ego belongs to us, since it is ‘our’ tool, it’s up to us, each of us individually, to balance our own ego. But what does that mean exactly “balanced ego”? and what does “having a balanced ego” look like?

My favorite description comes from Kryon in Lee Carroll’s channel, Becoming Masters, presented in March 2006:

I'll give you some examples of what it's like to have a balanced ego: Can you sit in a situation where somebody is calling you names and not feel it? Hmm? Even if they're right? [Kryon smiles.] Can you? Can you sit and take that kind of verbal abuse and not feel it? Can you smile in the joy of the moment while it's taking place? Can you be detached, watching the movie, as they say ... can you?

I'll give you something to do, an exercise. The next time this situation occurs, I want you to try to disengage. And when you are looking at the person abusing you, in their anger, in their unbalance, in their turmoil, I want you to love them. At this moment, they are the ones who are out of balance, not you. Their abuse of you is an invitation for you to join them in an "out-of-balance experience." [Laughter] So sit there and endure their unbalance, don't join it. Then when they're finished, if they're within touching distance, you might touch their arm gently and say, "I'm sorry you're having a bad day." * [Laughter] Can you do that?

Do you know what happens when they don't get the reaction from you that the drama they're putting forward is supposed to create? They are completely and totally disarmed. And that, my friend, is when communication can happen. That's when the love of God is best seen. This can only take place with a person who has a balanced ego.

A balanced ego is an ego that is present only in respect to a Human who truly knows who they are. It's a piece of divinity and survival that nothing can touch.

No other Human can touch you in death or in life and change your mind about anything if you have a divine countenance. No matter what words are presented to you, no matter what situations are given to you, no matter how loud they yell... they can't change a thing because of your mastery.

Remember the four attributes of love that we taught you? [Kryon Book 5] Your reaction will not be anger. It will be solution. As they are yelling, all you can think of is how to solve the issue, not how to yell back or get even. A balanced ego says to you, "I know who I am. I'm a loving individual who can solve problems. I don't have to defend anything. I'm not in survival mode, and I am concerned about the one who is in trouble in front of me."

What Kryon is talking about here—when you’re in a situation where your first reaction is upset of some kind—is transmuting negative energy into Universal Energy (love). I absolutely agree with Kryon that the most empowering action is to disengage from such situations and switch from upset to love. Disengaging is you knowing within yourself that whatever is going on with another is about them and what they are experiencing, it’s not about you. In that understanding we experience true compassion.

Disengaging isn’t running away, or turning a deaf ear, or shutting down, or pretending, or stuffing your emotions somewhere deep inside so that you appear to be being calm and accepting. Disengaging is consciously setting your emotional boundaries. It’s consciously recognizing that someone else’s upset is not about you, no matter how much they want you to believe that it is. And by the same token, it’s knowing that your emotional upset isn’t about another, no matter how much it looks like it is, how much you think it is, or how much you want it to be.

So, as Kryon points out, in our ultimate mastery we can take any situation and not be negatively charged by it. If we feel a negative charge we can disconnect from the situation by loving the situation, ourselves, and other. That’s ultimate mastery. We each have achieved that in different situations at different times. That’s what a great deal of what our personal growth is all about!

But what happens when you can’t feel the love in a negatively charged situation? What happens when you can’t disengage from a negative emotional situation? What if you can’t get from here to there in a particular situation?

Sometimes it’s not so easy to transmute a highly charged negative reaction in the moment, especially when it relates to something that’s been hanging around us for a long time. For one, we get so caught up in our own habitual thoughts and reactions that we sometimes don’t even notice that we are reacting. Two, even when we realize we’re reacting, we can be so ‘stuck’ in our habitual ways of being that we aren’t able to change our reaction even when we see that we’re doing it.

Three, sometimes it takes a lot of soul searching, or inner work, to even realize that our reaction is based in fear. But it always is. No matter what things look like on the surface, any negatively charged reaction on our part is always based in our own fear, our own need to protect ourselves from whatever perceived danger we feel we need to protect ourselves from. If we can find where the fear comes from, what it is we are hiding from or running from or protecting ourselves from, we will be well on the way toward releasing it.

So when we can’t disengage from a charged negative situation, what can we do?

The Art of Disengaging

If you find yourself caught in a situation where you are feeling negatively charged in response to something in your environment, be that a person, a thing, a critter, or a situation, and you can’t shift that feeling into love, try to just notice what’s happening and allow it to play out however it does. If you get mad, you get mad. If you retaliate, so be it. If you go stomping off in a huff, all well and good. If you break down in tears, then you do. No matter how you reacted (or are reacting), just notice. Then make a mental note to revisit the situation at a later time, a time when you’re more calm and not so negatively charged. At that time you can better see the situation from an overview standpoint.

When you revisit a negatively charged experience, avoid the temptation to criticize yourself, or another, for your or their behavior. Avoid the temptation to revisit the negative charge and instead simply observe.

During your review, if you find yourself getting worked up again, remind yourself that this happened in the past, it isn’t happening right now. Remind yourself that you are revisiting the experience as an observer, not as a participant. You’re watching a movie in which you and your reactions are the main character. Remember—this review isn’t about anyone or anything else, this review is about you. You’re the star here, enjoy your time on stage!

During your review, notice any feelings attached to the experience. If you notice that there were feelings attached to the event, allow yourself to feel those feelings. Just feel them. You don’t even have to identify with mental words what those feelings are or were, just feel them. Words might come to you as descriptors of the feelings, insights might come to you; if they do, observe those too. Do this process of observing and feeling as often as you need to until you can view the situation without—or with a greatly reduced—negative emotional charge, and without judgement of either yourself or others who may have been involved.

What do I mean by "feel the feelings"? Allow your body to react however it does while you are observing the interactions in the experience. If you start to cry, allow the tears to flow. If you feel yourself getting angry, allow the angry feelings to surface. Feel the feelings in your body. What are the sensations? Allow yourself to simply feel them, to acknowledge them. We get so used to hiding sensations from ourselves that we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we feel. And what we don’t allow ourselves to feel becomes trapped, becomes blocks to our energy. Left unacknowledged for too long, blocked energy becomes illness.

Important: If you begin to sense that the emotions you are feeling are too intense for you to handle, or if you find yourself being emotionally sucked back into the experience rather than observing it, stop the process. In this case you may want to seek out an energy practitioner to help you deal with pent up emotional energy. Always listen to your inner guidance as to whether to continue with an experience or not, and if not, seek out those professionals who can assist you. There are multiple thousands of energy workers primed and ready to aid you, when you are ready and when you ask. Each individual has different needs; different practitioners will be quite effective with one person but not necessarily with another. Allow your inner guidance to direct you to those who are best suited to help you.

If it helps you to write things down as you are reviewing an experience, do so. Very often just the action of writing helps you get closer in touch with your feelings and can open you even more to your own intuition and guidance.

Anything that you can do to reduce the negative charge on a situation is going to add greatly to your ability to do the same the next time. It’s like anything else that you do—practice helps. At the point where you can view an experience without a negative charge you will know that you’ve accepted the experience. That’s a huge accomplishment! Congratulate yourself for having fully experienced something and accepted that experience, and know that your ability to disconnect in the future has been greatly enhanced.

There is one last step, and one that will empower you in ways that you won't believe until you experience it: From that space of non-charged energy, find a way to consciously appreciate and love both yourself and the other for their participation, or simply appreciate and love the situation itself if no other was involved. You will be amazed at the results.

Finding a way to love yourself, another, and/or a situation that once had a negative charge will catapult you into a higher vibration. You may tear up, or outright cry, when you feel the depth of love that you have for yourself when you can accept, appreciate, and love such an experience. The emotional response that you feel is you, on a spiritual level, thanking you for the growth that you received from that experience. There is no greater feeling in all the world than your own love and appreciation of you.

Know that any time you feel this infusion of love of self, the whole world has just received a hit of your love energy too. And we thank you. Espavo!


* The Love and Logic program offers a similar method of disconnecting from someone else’s upset. They recommend the phrase “I love you too much to argue with you about it" .. along with additional techniques for resolving conflict.