The Story of The Flowers

I bought a bouquet of flowers yesterday. I bought it because I wanted to. I looked at the flowers as they sat there in a floral display in the grocery store and I felt good. It felt really good to look at those beautiful flowers, to feel the feelings that they evoked in me. I loved what I felt, standing there, absorbing the feeling of the flowers. I wanted to feel that feeling for a longer time than just while standing there in the store. And so I brought those flowers, and I brought them home.
 
I questioned if I should. I questioned if it was worth the money. I questioned if I should spend my money that way. That might tell you something about how I feel about money right now. I stand in the belief that I am abundant, yet I’m being confronted with all the ways in which I perceive lack. Isn’t that a wonderful thing? The Universe keeps showing me all the ways in which I don’t believe what I want to believe.
 
Of course I didn’t think it was such a wonderful thing at first. When I first realized I was again perceiving lack, I thought “dammit!” and then I had to laugh. Because I’ve been seeing this perception of lack quite a lot lately. Would I rather be in abundance than in lack? Damn straight! But if I’m not, it’s far better to be seeing where and how I’m perceiving lack so that I can do something about it, than to continue to be blissfully unaware that my manifestation on this topic is headed in the wrong direction.

It’s pretty amazing actually. In this one little incident I got to see how insidious considerations about money, particularly the lack there-of, are in my life. I was considering not spending money on something that I was clearly feeling good about. Something that cost almost nothing compared to most things I spend money on. If I’m not willing to feel abundant about this tiny amount of money, how do I feel about spending big sums of money?

In the end of course, it isn’t money that matters. Experience matters. The experience is all that matters. Experience should be the criteria under which all decisions are made. Do I want this experience or do I not? If I do, then do it. If I do not, then don’t do it. Another way of looking at it is, “Which feels better, this choice or that choice?” Then go with which choice feels best in the moment.

When you’ve chosen or acted, then pay attention to—be aware of—what feelings, thoughts, and beliefs surface about the experience. How do I feel about what I just did, or what just happened? What gift is there for me in the experience? You may even find a gift just from the experience of choosing! The gift could be what you saw about your beliefs, what you experienced, what you decided from it, the feelings you had–good, bad, or indifferent, any number of things. Only you can say what gift there is in any experience that you have.

Regarding my experience with the flowers, I decided I wanted the experience of enjoying the flowers more than giving in to my concerns about money, so I bought the flowers and brought them home. That decision brought me joy.

I found quite a lot of joy in those flowers, actually. More joy than I even thought possible. I enjoyed the flowers sitting in my cart as I completed my shopping. I enjoyed the flowers as I toted them out of the car and into the house. I enjoyed them as I chose the perfect vase to display them in. I enjoyed them as I cut their stems and arranged them in the vase. I enjoyed them as I decided on the perfect place to display them. I enjoyed them as I admired the way they looked in that perfect place where I decided to display them. I am enjoying them now as I look up and see them, in all their colorful goodness, from where I sit. I will continue to enjoy them until they are no longer sitting there to be enjoyed.

I should add that if my decision to buy the flowers had not brought me joy, if it had left me feeling worried or concerned about the money I was spending, I would not have bought them. I would still have processed my concerns about money, but instead of actually buying the flowers, I'd have found a good-feeling way to think about the experience like "Not yet, but soon. I'm looking forward to being able to buy whatever I want whenever I want! For now I will enjoy these flowers in the display and in my thoughts."

It’s not about the money, you see. It’s not even about the flowers. It’s about the enjoyment. It's about feeling good with whatever decision I make. It’s about me allowing myself to create what brings me joy, whether that is having something tangible or simply through having good-feeling thoughts. I even enjoyed realizing the habitual thoughts that I have about money, because that awareness, that realization, brings me one step closer to manifesting my abundance in all areas.